4 months...

So, its been 4 months today that our angel baby was born. I still sometimes can't believe this has happened to us. I can without reservation say that this is the hardest thing we have ever been through....and still go through every day, for the rest of our lives. I miss my baby. But whenever I think of Alexis as a baby I just know thats not right...that she isn't a baby right now. Her spirit isn't a baby...and she is working hard up in heaven. I don't even feel worthy to be her mom...I don't even know if I am really, she didn't need me to teach her anything, she is perfect. And now its up to us to live in such a way so that we can be with her again. There is so much we don't understand and don't remember about our life before this one. I feel bad that we didn't go to her grave today. We will go tomorrow after the 5k (read below). Speaking of her grave...we still need to order her headstone. So sad...to have to order a headstone for your baby girl. The Lord knows what He is doing right? Its all about faith and trust in Him. I keep putting off her headstone because I really want it to be PERFECT...to say the perfect thing so it makes me so anxious to even think about it. We need to get it done though. Any ideas would be very appreciated.

As far as how we are doing, well it changes all the time. We have our good and our bad days. Last week we went to the Walk of Remembrance thing at Thanksgiving Point. It was really nice, even if they did say Alexis' name wrong. :( The gardens were beautiful!! We are looking forward to going back tomorrow for the 5k to benefit Angels Watch, an organization that helps families cope that have been given a terminal diagnosis in utero. I guess they are in danger of being shut down due to funding so they really need everyone's help! If you live near Thanksgiving Point you should come run/walk!! You can register there. It starts at 8am but to register early be there about 7, I think registration ends at 7:30. Hope to see you there! Will post pictures tomorrow.

Update on the job hunt...there is no update. lol Its really not funny...its frustrating. Its a real test of our patience and faith but we just continue to try and remind ourselves that the Lord will take care of us and we need to just have faith. We hope to hear back from at least ONE place we applied to soon. The other day Zach's friend at KSL told him to be patient because it can take up to 6-9 WEEKS to hear back. I don't know if thats comforting or aggravating. I guess its both...comforting because we haven't hear back yet so it gives us hope that we still will but aggravating because Zach hates his job right now and really wants to work as a reporter...plus we feel like its time for a change. Anyway...so please pray that things will work out!! Thats all from me for now.