4 months...

So, its been 4 months today that our angel baby was born. I still sometimes can't believe this has happened to us. I can without reservation say that this is the hardest thing we have ever been through....and still go through every day, for the rest of our lives. I miss my baby. But whenever I think of Alexis as a baby I just know thats not right...that she isn't a baby right now. Her spirit isn't a baby...and she is working hard up in heaven. I don't even feel worthy to be her mom...I don't even know if I am really, she didn't need me to teach her anything, she is perfect. And now its up to us to live in such a way so that we can be with her again. There is so much we don't understand and don't remember about our life before this one. I feel bad that we didn't go to her grave today. We will go tomorrow after the 5k (read below). Speaking of her grave...we still need to order her headstone. So sad...to have to order a headstone for your baby girl. The Lord knows what He is doing right? Its all about faith and trust in Him. I keep putting off her headstone because I really want it to be PERFECT...to say the perfect thing so it makes me so anxious to even think about it. We need to get it done though. Any ideas would be very appreciated.

As far as how we are doing, well it changes all the time. We have our good and our bad days. Last week we went to the Walk of Remembrance thing at Thanksgiving Point. It was really nice, even if they did say Alexis' name wrong. :( The gardens were beautiful!! We are looking forward to going back tomorrow for the 5k to benefit Angels Watch, an organization that helps families cope that have been given a terminal diagnosis in utero. I guess they are in danger of being shut down due to funding so they really need everyone's help! If you live near Thanksgiving Point you should come run/walk!! You can register there. It starts at 8am but to register early be there about 7, I think registration ends at 7:30. Hope to see you there! Will post pictures tomorrow.

Update on the job hunt...there is no update. lol Its really not funny...its frustrating. Its a real test of our patience and faith but we just continue to try and remind ourselves that the Lord will take care of us and we need to just have faith. We hope to hear back from at least ONE place we applied to soon. The other day Zach's friend at KSL told him to be patient because it can take up to 6-9 WEEKS to hear back. I don't know if thats comforting or aggravating. I guess its both...comforting because we haven't hear back yet so it gives us hope that we still will but aggravating because Zach hates his job right now and really wants to work as a reporter...plus we feel like its time for a change. Anyway...so please pray that things will work out!! Thats all from me for now.

Mother's Day

To all my angel mommy friends (click to view larger)...


....and Happy Mother's Day to all women out there, I'm not sure its a "Happy" one for me but I'm hoping it will be peaceful.

Walk of Remembrance

I just found out about an event on Saturday for families that have lost babies. It is at the Tulip Gardens in Thanksgiving Point. They call it a "Walk of Remembrance". I'm so glad that Jennifer posted about it on her blog or I probably never would have known about it. I think all my angel mommy friends should come too! Here are the details Jennifer shared on her blog (hope she doesn't mind me copying) :) -

"Walk of Remembrance"
Saturday, May 9th
Thanksgiving Point, Lehi, Utah

Meet at the tulip gardens at Thanksgiving Point from 8:30 to 10:00 am. A short program will start at 9:00 AM. Refreshments will be served and there will be time to walk through the tulips and remember your little one.

This walk is done annually and is sponsored by Intermountain Healthcare, Utah Valley Regional Medical Center and others...for all those who have alost a baby due to stillbirth, miscarriage, or neonatal death.

It is done annually on the Saturday before Mother's Day.

If you would like your angel's name presented as part of the program let me know and I will give you the contact info. And if you plan on coming please comment here telling me so I can know to look for you! I'm really looking forward to this...it will be a beautiful way to remember Alexis at this time. Mother's Day...if you didn't know me you wouldn't know I was a mother, unless you saw the necklace i wear a lot with Alexis' picture.

Also there is another event happening at Thanksgiving Point that I think is really important...Again from Jennifer's blog:

"Running With Angels 5K Walk/Run"
Saturday, May 16th
Thanksgiving Point
8:00 AM

All proceeds of the race are to go to Angel Watch to support the program.

here's the link: www.runningwithangels.com or if you'd like to make a donation to Angel Watch, their link is: www.mckay-deefoundation.org

Carolyn & Kay with Angel Watch have the tender job of meeting with families, whose little babies have a fatal diagnosis. Year after year they meet with families all over the state of Utah, trying to prepare them as best they can.

I guess this wonderful organization is in danger of being shut down due to financial issues so this race is really for a good cause! If anyone wants to make a "team" to go walk or run together let me know, that would be fun. Ok...I'm done for tonight. Please tell all your friends, etc.

Happy Angel Day Cora!

My wonderful friend Brittanie wanted to do a butterfly release for her sweet angel baby Cora for her 3rd birthday....doing actual butterflies wasn't feasible for them so she decided to do an online release. Happy Angel Day Cora!

My friend needs your prayers!!

Please everyone pray for my friend Richelle. She has had some complications with her pregnancy and they are going to take the baby. She is far enough along that they are hoping he will be okay but they really really really need all the prayers they can get right now. Please pray for a miracle!