Blog design and Update

Do you like our new blog design?! Just in time for Spring to come...now if we can just convince the weather. ugh.

Anyway...so we've been MIA on here for a little while. I've posted more on the baby's blog though. Things have been super busy. Zach is still crazy busy and he is very much looking forward to his graduation on May 8th! I'm so proud of him. He continues to do an amazing job at his internship with KSL. He loves it! He is almost done with his audition tape and I've been collecting links to reporter job openings so we will be sending out applications soon. Please remember us in your prayers! We will need all that we can get. Its a huge decision. There are openings all over...one even in Fresno which is only one hour from where my parents live!! I would LOVE to go there. But it is all according to the Lord's will.

About a week or so ago we went to St. George during Zach's spring break for a few days. We stayed with Zach's grandma. We went to the outlets and got some new clothes...yay! (since I don't have many pants who fit me right now after having the baby...its depressing) We went to In 'N Out with grandma....it was sooo good. We then had dinner at Zach's uncle Justin's...he is technically Zach's uncle but really more like a cousin cuz he is only 4 years older and his wife, Mariesa, is the same age as Zach. Mariesa is really into crafty, photography, etc. stuff so she and I get along really well. They are so nice and have the cutest little girl (well cutest AFTER Alexis :) ) Macey. She is really shy with strangers...Zach just looked at her wrong and she ran away to her room crying. lol But I worked my magic and got her to like me by letting her play with Alexis' scrapbook that her mom wouldn't let her do. :) By the end of our time there we were best friends!! All that hard work and the next time I see her she will probably not remember me. Oh well.

The next day we went with Justin and Mariesa to Zion's National Park. I'd never been...it is really pretty! We went on some easy hikes since I am so NOT in shape and all I had was flip flops. lol It was really fun and we got some really fun pictures. Then we had a bbq at their house. I wish we lived closer so we could hang out with them more often. So that was our trip! The weather was amazing and the trip was too short. I think it was really hard for Zach to come back and have to go to school and work, etc. Poor guy. Only a little longer!!

So thats what we have been up to. I'm starting a new job this next week with the Census Bureau. I'll post more about that later. We still miss our Alexis terribly and will forever. I've been having a particularly hard time lately. It just hurts so much sometimes. I don't think Zach has time to have a hard time yet which might be bad later on. Anyway...if its not too much trouble please keep us in your prayers. We need it. Love to all! And...after all that here are some pictures from our trip...

Meet Kate...

my beautiful new niece! Born the third girl of my sister Stacie and her husband Matt. 7 lbs. 8 oz. 21 inches. Isn't she a doll?




I'm sure everyone is wondering how i'm feeling with my sister having a baby girl so soon after our baby angel. On this blog I will just say that it is hard, not as hard as you would think because she is my niece and it is my sister...but its still hard. I wrote more about my feelings regarding that on Alexis' blog.

That aside, I am really happy for my sister. I wish i could be there to see this new little bundle of joy. She is probably the last person to have seen my Alexis that is on the earth today. I already feel a special connection to her. Can't wait to meet you baby Kate! Ashlan and Elli you will be GREAT big sisters. Congrats Stacie and Matt!

Angel of Mine Charity Kit

Sorry we've been MIA on this blog for a little while. I've been posting more on Alexis' blog lately. I guess thats not too surprising though since Alexis is what we think about all the time. We haven't been up to too much that exciting. One super exciting thing though is my new camera:




Yay for DSLRs! I've always wanted to get into photography but the cameras are pretty expensive but since I've gotten into digital scrapbooking I've wanted to get one of these really bad. Well thanks to Julie, the photographer who took Alexis' pictures, I bought the above camera from one of her photography friends for a super good price! Now let the learning begin...anybody want to give me lessons? Now for the really cool thing...

I am so grateful for some digital scrapbook designer friends that made this beautiful kit in honor of our sweet Alexis! With the kit you get badge album, brag book and 12x12 quickpages! All of the proceeds will go to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Words cannot express my gratitude to this company for the memories they have given us. They deserve every penny! Thank you Leslie, Megan and Jeni! Go here to see more details and get this bundle.

Alexis' Blog

I decided to start another blog dedicated to Alexis where I can write down all my thoughts and feelings about this experience. Of course we will talk about her all the time on this blog but this way I don't have to worry about sounding too sad or upset on this one and hopefully it can be a place where others who have gone through or will go through something like this can find hope and strength and know that they are not alone. I know its helped me a ton to connect with others that have gone through similar things like this. I'm going to test this out and see if I like it...if not I'll just stick with the one blog. We'll see. Anyway, so feel free to visit and comment on this blog and on Alexis' blog! Here is a link: Bloom Where You Are Planted

Random thoughts...

Its been a while since I've posted. Life hasn't been very exciting...just trying to continue on with this emptiness in our hearts. I don't want these posts to always be sad and gloomy but I also want to express my true feelings and right now its hard. Some people may think that over time it will get easier and that I should "get over it" eventually. Its not true...I will never "get over" this experience. I don't want to. There will always be a part of my heart that belongs to Alexis. Sometimes it gets harder later on as the reality hits you and you try to live life and you see others moving on. So please bear with us...this is a foreign journey for us.

Its interesting how some things really help that you wouldn't think would help and other things aren't hard when you think it would be. Like this past Sunday, we sat next to a friend in church that had her baby on Dec. 24th..she and I were pregnant together and she had a little girl. Well, she let me hold her and I loved it...it wasn't very hard, I didn't even cry or anything. Part of it probably is because I knew the baby wasn't mine, I couldn't really even imagine her being mine because she has darker skin. But it wasn't too hard. But...it is hard to see friends that I was pregnant with having their babies now. I want to be honest...it is hard and if those friends are reading this please do not feel bad, I am so happy for you, but I am still sad for me. I want you to know it is hard for me but I don't want you to avoid me either.

Scrapbooking Alexis' pictures has been sooo therapeutic for me! I don't know if I would have thought that I would love scrapbooking the pictures so much but I just love creating these pages that mean something and will be a record and a reminder of her. I still cannot say enough how grateful we are for NILMDTS and Julie Williams for these beautiful pictures! I'm hoping that I can get a good camera soon and learn enough to be able to be a volunteer photographer for this company.

So anyway...we are still grieving...we have hard days and better days. We miss Alexis more than words can say. We feel an added desire to live righteously so we can live with her someday...she has her spot in the Celestial Kingdom ensured...now its up to us to live so that we can be with her there. (If you have any questions about our beliefs you can learn more here.)

Zach is busy, busy, busy with school, work and internship plus church responsibilities. I feel bad that he was thrown back into a crazy schedule so soon after losing his daughter. He does love his internship at KSL and looks forward to that which I'm so grateful for, because it means he will like his job! He is really good at it and the people there really love him. I know I'm biased but its not just me...our Stake President is an Executive Producer at KSL and he just told us how much everyone likes Zach at the station.

I just started back to part time work at LDS Family Services as a receptionist. Its a good environment and good people so if I have to go back to work I'm grateful to be able to work there. Everyone has been very kind and understanding. I'm feeling much better physically, pretty much all healed. I have my 6 week appointment tomorrow...I'm a little nervous as to how it is going to go, emotionally more than anything because the last time I was there I found out my baby's heart had stopped beating. I still have these incredulous moments where I just can't believe this has happened to us! But it has and we are forever changed. Its amazing how our perspective has changed on life and death.

I'm debating whether or not I should make a separate blog where I can express my thoughts and feelings related to this experience so that this blog isn't so saturated with that...not that we wouldn't talk about it here...we would, all the time. We love to talk about Alexis and show her off to people...but the other blog could be a place for us to vent and express things we have learned and been feeling. I don't know...we will see. Anyway...I'm just kinda rambling now. Here are some scrapbook pages I've done lately (click on the picture to view it bigger):