Thank you!

Thank you to everyone for your kind words of support and love! It means so much to me, really. We are really excited but at the same time its such a different experience being pregnant after a loss, gone is the naive innocent giddiness and all the hopeful planning. Instead I have an appointment on Tuesday and I'm TERRIFIED that the baby won't be alive. *sigh* Though it is very hard, I have a deeper sense of gratitude and hopefulness that I wouldn't have if I hadn't been through the opposite. My joy is greater because my sorrow has and is so deep.

For anyone that might be curious, we are doing well for the most part. We are still living at and managing a storage unit property. At first it was cool and exciting but that has worn off now and I often find myself feeling lonely, with no neighbors and the monotony of the same thing every day. I'm getting more anxious for Zach to get a reporter job so we can have some stability for a least a year. As things are right now we don't know what the future holds and its just a very unsettling feeling. If I knew we would be here for another year that would be one thing but I don't, as soon as Zach gets offered a job we'll be gone. I yearn for that feeling of knowing we will be staying in one place for an extended period of time.

Details about the baby...my technical due date is June 21, 2010...however, I won't go that long. At 36 weeks they will do an amnio to check the baby's lungs and if they are developed enough they will induce me...so we are 99% sure the baby will be here the third or fourth week of May. How I can't wait for that day!!!

Other things we have been up to....

For Halloween we carved pumpkins with Zach's family, Zach got a REALLY big pumpkin, and on actual Halloween night we went and saw my nephew go trick or treating and visited some good friends.


For Thanksgiving we went up to my sister's and had a scrumptious dinner there with her and some of her in laws. Its my family's turn this year but my whole family wasn't getting together
(boo! I'm not happy about this) so us Utahans had dinner together.

For Christmas we will be with Zach's family which should be fun. We just got out all the decorations so our house feels more like Christmas...kinda bitter sweet. I think I was subconsciously putting it off, and as we unwrapped the nativity, etc. I realized that the last time I saw these things was when I was putting them all away, just days after my baby had died. Lots of somber feelings coming back as her one year approaches.