Friend/Family member/Stranger: "When are you due?"
Me: "February 3rd, but I'm hoping she comes a little earlier!"
February 3rd, February 3rd, February 3rd...that was the magic day...that is when I was due! I couldn't wait for that day to come. Of course I knew I probably wouldn't deliver right on that day but I knew it would be sometime around that day. And today is February 3rd and I didn't expect to not have my baby with me today. I sometimes just can't believe this has happened to us. Its been almost three weeks since our baby was born still. Part of me feels like the time has past quickly but then another part of me feels like it was so long ago. I feel like I am walking around in a fog...like all of this isn't completely real. I don't know if I am doing any of this right...this grieving process. I know its different for everyone but I still can't help but wonder if what I'm feeling is "normal" or "ok".
Anyway, sorry to be kind of gloomy today but I wanted to express some of my feelings...its good to get it out somehow.
8 comments:
So sorry this day has to come...these milestones are inevitable, yet so unwanted and hard to face.
The fog you speak of is normal, or at least it was for me. It is extremely dense at first, but seems to clear a little more as time goes on. It's still there, and heavier some days than others.
I love you and think of you and Alexis often.
Some mornings I wake up and I still think was this a nightmare? Was a dreaming all along? Especially the few months after I had Kooper. I would wake up and feel my stomach and think where is my baby? You are completely normal. If you ever want to talk let me know. I know it made me feel better to know be able to relate to other Mom's. Take care!
Ugh, my Cora was due on Mother's Day. I delivered her 12 days before, so when it rolled around...I was like a zombie. I had cried so much that I physically couldn't anymore. My brain couldn't register anything. I was numb. I think your mind/heart NEED those times of numbness/fog, because I truly don't think you can survive feeling the intense pain constantly with your sanity intact. Your mind just shuts off when it gets to be too much (like a fuse blowing). And of course, today would be one of those days. And there's no "right way" to grieve. Just feel whatever you feel, when you feel it. Don't feel like what you feel is wrong or bad. The only way to get through it, is to go through it. Hugs and prayers for you today.
uh I feel your pain. I hated when Josephs due date passed and I didn't have him in my arms. and your doing great. it is so hard and it looks like your so strong. your blogs are so happy. your so great!!! always always always remember heavenly father loves you and he hasn't left you. I had a hard time remembering that at first and that was when I hit rock bottom. Evenyone is different but heavenly father is there for you don't forget that. Love you Amy I'm so sorry your going through this.
Amy
I don't think that there is a normal or a right way to go through the greiving process. You will have highs and lows. The significant dates will be hard. The important thing is the way you greive is normal for you. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Amy,
Thank you for sharing your story of your sweet angel Alexis with me. My heart breaks for you and your family, I would never want anyone to experience the pain and heartache we have felt. I am so sorry you are feeling it. Your daughter is so beautiful. You will see her again someday, but I know as you do that the pain is so real and it's still sad. I would love to talk with you more. Please feel free to email me, whenever you need to talk, vent, or just need a listening ear.
May you find peace and comfort.
Love,
Rylie (Another Mother of an angel)
ryliemartin@gmail.com
Amy, THis Happened to a dear friend Of mine Here in Texas, I can't Imagine... We love you and Think of you often. May little Lexy Rest with Heavenly father and your Future children.
We love you Amy and Zach.
Oh the due date, one of those dates you so look forward to, yet in our circumstances you don't. mine is in a few weeks and I don't know how I'll react. Just know that what ever you are feeling is ok. The anger, sadness, sometimes happiness, its all ok. I am so sorry, what a hard day and to not have a baby in your arms. Hugs.
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